A special journey to my heart
18. November 2023 – by Sonja Sieben
What do I experience when I meditate? That is very diverse. In most cases, my awareness of my breathing is heightened – it is an awareness of the beauty of breathing. Air flows in and out automatically and spreads into every corner of my body without me doing anything – what a blessing!
The correct sitting position keeps me busy for a while, until the body is able to sit still thanks to an inner column of strength. Then it is held upright without me having to do anything. This gives the body peace and strength.
My thoughts take up space at first; however, they subside over time if I allow myself to not add anything to them. At some point, they are allowed to be without me paying attention to them. They come and go. This happens particularly quickly when my life is “clutter-free” and I can deal with everything that happens in everyday life. Sometimes the thoughts are so loud that I first have to think them to the end before I can let them pass. The “tidying up” of life has kept me busy for many years… by this I mean cutting the attachment to external factors and conditions in order to arrive at myself, allowing enough time for myself, being in nourishing relationships, recognizing and naming needs, changing beliefs, choosing the right work, etc. This process goes on and on.
This equanimity towards thoughts allows me to perceive the stirrings of my heart. There is often pure joie de vivre and gratitude – for being supported by my family, being a mother or being able to work with people. For me, life is a gift, with all the ups and downs that challenge me, but also allow me to grow.
My meditations are always accompanied by energy that either rises from the bottom to the top of my body upwards or enters at the crown of my head and seeks a path through my body. This energy allows my body to move very subtly. Sometimes the crown of the head tingles and even aches for several days. Energy often flows into the chakras of my body. Daniel accompanies this process by placing his hand on this exact spot, which is energized. That’s magic.
On some days, especially when I spend more time with Daniel and am inwardly calm and “available”, the energy becomes finer, it has a higher frequency. If I manage not to physically cling to the energy and give it space, I am sometimes flooded with a beautiful, white, warm light that I don’t recognize from the here and now. The energy of the light opens the finest, purest part of my heart, causing my body or persona to disappear; I melt into the light and am light. The light also opens up a wide, soft, peaceful space for me, with which my heart resonates. I immerse myself in a field of love and feel the bond of love between master and student. Our energies become one – we merge – the outside world seems to disappear completely. We just are, and everything is carried in the light. We go into formlessness for a short time. The body is an illusion at the moment of merging. This experience allows me to see physical “suffering” or thoughts about it from a different perspective.
But even with my eyes open, the meditation practice has a lasting effect. Recently I was able to feel a strong inherent strength that carried me through the week, full of vigour, permanence and good humour, even though I had coughed all night and my body and mind were completely exhausted.
If I allow myself in daily life to let go of control, labelling, evaluating and even the duality of the mind, I am drawn to the awareness where it is peaceful and pure. My gaze rests in the totality of all things. Energies merge and I am no longer separate, but one with everything. This can happen on the train, at a concert, in nature. Wherever.
My meditation practice, accompanied by a spiritual master, is a special journey to my heart that even my scientifically conditioned mind cannot negate!